Teiwaz
04-24-2007, 12:05 AM
Finally the amazing Al Gore is getting the recognition he deserves for his lifetime of unheralded acheivement. He has invented so much stuff, but these to my mind are Al's Top 10 inventions:
1. Well, duh, the internet of course. And if you buy this rubbish about how a reporter invented that Al invented the internet, see 2.
2. Reporters. It was the only way he could modestly let people know the things he had invented - having someone else report on them.
3. You know the things on the end of your shoelaces that stop them fraying? Yeah, well Al invented the shoe. He needed them because of all the running around he was doing while he was inventing the internet.
4. Carbon Dioxide. He invented the stuff - it's why he knows how it's warming the globe. He invented C02 for peaceful, humanitarian reasons, like for trees to breathe, but big oil took it and made it a by-product of burning fossil fuels to make him look bad. Big oil is owned by the Republican Party.
5. Chuck Norris. Al saw that the world needed a true hero of the people who could become a cult figure, but he was too modest to take that role on himself, so he invented Chuck. Al Gore is the only man who Chuck Norris really respects. Chuck wants to kill David Hasselhoff, but is waiting for Al Gore to tell him it's OK.
6. Re-cycling. He simply applied the principals he learnt in politics to human refuse.
7. Chick Flicks. Love Story was the start of chick flicks as we know them today, and Al was the start of Love Story.
8. The Enviromental Expose'. His Love Canal initiative "started it all" and has made the world a safer place for all children who drink from wells, as well as their faithful hound Timmy.
9. Spellchecker. After Dan Qualyes inability to spell Potato, Al Gore was detirmined that no-one should have to suffer the ridicule and indignity of bad spelling ever again.
10. The Mother of Invention. Inventing everything was distracting Al Gore from other important business, so he invented the Mother of Invention so others would be able to share the load. In so doing we are all now free to know the drive of necessity.
1. Well, duh, the internet of course. And if you buy this rubbish about how a reporter invented that Al invented the internet, see 2.
2. Reporters. It was the only way he could modestly let people know the things he had invented - having someone else report on them.
3. You know the things on the end of your shoelaces that stop them fraying? Yeah, well Al invented the shoe. He needed them because of all the running around he was doing while he was inventing the internet.
4. Carbon Dioxide. He invented the stuff - it's why he knows how it's warming the globe. He invented C02 for peaceful, humanitarian reasons, like for trees to breathe, but big oil took it and made it a by-product of burning fossil fuels to make him look bad. Big oil is owned by the Republican Party.
5. Chuck Norris. Al saw that the world needed a true hero of the people who could become a cult figure, but he was too modest to take that role on himself, so he invented Chuck. Al Gore is the only man who Chuck Norris really respects. Chuck wants to kill David Hasselhoff, but is waiting for Al Gore to tell him it's OK.
6. Re-cycling. He simply applied the principals he learnt in politics to human refuse.
7. Chick Flicks. Love Story was the start of chick flicks as we know them today, and Al was the start of Love Story.
8. The Enviromental Expose'. His Love Canal initiative "started it all" and has made the world a safer place for all children who drink from wells, as well as their faithful hound Timmy.
9. Spellchecker. After Dan Qualyes inability to spell Potato, Al Gore was detirmined that no-one should have to suffer the ridicule and indignity of bad spelling ever again.
10. The Mother of Invention. Inventing everything was distracting Al Gore from other important business, so he invented the Mother of Invention so others would be able to share the load. In so doing we are all now free to know the drive of necessity.